I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
