I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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