I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
