she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
please come you make the beer taste better
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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