But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
