I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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