LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
