Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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