How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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