her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
