wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
