brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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