That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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