if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
