Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
