i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
