Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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