chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
