and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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