Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Randomize
