I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
