im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
