I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Can I color on your dick again?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My butt remains clenched, sir.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
