I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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