I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
