You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
foreskin is a definite game changer
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
