I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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