I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
