I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
