just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
