Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
where are you?
Hypothermia
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
