Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
