No more Irish car bombs ever.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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