I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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