yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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