Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
