I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Randomize
