The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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