Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
