I cockslap morals
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
