maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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