So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
