Have you finally orgasmed yet?
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Randomize
