You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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