Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
