You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
