Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
