I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
