So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
