I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
