I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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